action

Perfection is the action of intuition in the face of doubt

Doing what feels natural, needed, required, what flows

Not doing the pose, but the stretch between poses that you feel is needed

You can still flow

Flow in your own need

Him

“give it over to Him”

“praise Him”

when you have exhausted all your individual attempts, you do want to believe and give it over to the higher power

But, I don’t like “Him”

This Individual does not exist, to me.

If he has so much power, why can’t I?

I decide.  That is where the power is.

I have a personal relationship with myself.  Not “Him.”

Unless, He is me.

God as “Him” is me, is you, is the force of life and Universe.

only when they can’t have you

Henry Miller to Anais Nin:  “You became a woman with me. I was almost terrified by it. You are not just thirty years old—you are a thousand years old.  Here I am back and still smouldering with passion, like wine smoking. Not a passion any longer for flesh, but a complete hunger for you, a devouring hunger.”

as soon as I go away I’m home

what to really do today, “I miss you

“dandelion leaves and all kinds of bugs and steamy things, humidity and dull head pain do art experiments anyway and people talking about their neighborhoods and I’m listening to him and want to ask, “could you repeat that?” And raspberries have wonderful looking red prickly vines and three leaves

I just don’t care. That’s the feeling.  All of a sudden I feel like I’m never home but nothing has really changed. Who knows.  I’ll try not to name it. I’m not upset.  It’s indifference.  I feel like I’m subject to everything around me, I must be in this place at  this time because it’s where I am right now and no one really really cares.  They shouldn’t.  That’s attachment. Dependence. To need and want. True pleasure and comfort is just with yourself. Really.  

My mind could change tomorrow.

The way I decide to see it.
It’s really all just what you decide.
I stop being a baby.  I realize how I react to someone is just whatever serves me. I’m not generous. I’m lazy.

Etc etc etc

Then one day I’ll be really sad about things and I’ll feel bad about myself.
It fluctuates.
The peace and the suffering is simultaneous.  You realize things fluctuate.  Positive and negative.  It will flow in and out.  You’ll get stuck on it and suffer.  Then later you’ll be ok.  
But when will I be ok?
What can I do and do I want to do it?
No

I don’t want to give in to anything.how do you do that? And I wish I had a witness.  A guru.  A partner.  I don’t know.

I’m dizzy and then none of the mental stuff matters.

 

The teachings of Silvanus

Do not bring grief and trouble to the divine which is within you. But when you will care for it, will request of it that you remain pure, and will become self-controlled in your soul and body, you will become a throne of wisdom, and one belonging to God’s household. He will give you a great light through it (wisdom).

But before everything (else), know your birth. Know yourself, that is, from what substance you are, or from what race, or from what species. Understand that you have come into being from three races: from the earth, from the formed, and from the created. The body has come into being from the earth with an earthly substance, but the formed, for the sake of the soul, has come into being from the thought of the Divine. The created, however, is the mind, which has come into being in conformity with the image of God. The divine mind has substance from the Divine, but the soul is that which he (God) formed for their own hearts. For I think that it (the soul) exists as wife of that which has come into being in conformity with the image, but matter is the substance of the body, which has come into being from the earth.

If you mix yourself, you will acquire the three parts as you fall from virtue into inferiority. Live according to the Mind. Do not think about things pertaining to the flesh. Acquire strength, for the mind is strong. If you fall from this other, you have become male-female. And if you cast out of yourself the substance of the mind, which is thought, you have cut off the male part, and turned yourself to the female part alone. You have become psychic, since you have received the substance of the formed. If you cast out the smallest part of this, so that you do not acquire again a human part – but you have accepted for yourself the animal thought and likeness – you have become fleshly, since you have taken on animal nature. For (if) it is difficult to find a psychical man, how much more so to find the Lord?

But I say that God is the spiritual one. Man has taken shape from the substance of God. The divine soul shares partly in this one; furthermore, it shares partly in the flesh. The base soul is wont to turn from side to side, […] which it images the truth.

It is good for you, O man, to turn yourself toward the human, rather than toward the animal nature – I mean toward the fleshly. You will take on the likeness of the part toward which you will turn yourself.

I shall say something further to you. Again, for what will you (masc. sg.) be zealous? Did you (fem. sg.) wish to become animal when you had come into this kind of nature? But rather, share in a true nature of life. To be sure, animality will guide you into the race of the earth, but the rational nature will guide you in rational ways. Turn toward the rational nature, and cast from yourself the earth-begotten nature.

O soul, persistent one, be sober and shake off your drunkenness, which is the work of ignorance. If you persist and live in the body, you dwell in rusticity. When you entered into a bodily birth, you were begotten. Come into being inside the bridal chamber! Be